There's really no title that i can give this entry that would make sense. there's a feeling inside where i hope that you are reading this but then again i'm not. Well anyways, it sucks. being alone and not having anyone to talk to about it. and the only person that you can talk to is asleep while you're wide awake for no apparent reason. and it sucks really bad. i don't know what i want and but i know that we shouldn't be together. it hurts me looking at the pictures of us and we look so happy, but in the present day i'm not. I don't know what it is, but i'm just not happy and i really don't know what to tell you. i feel it when i look at our pictures from the past, but when we're together phsically it's just not there. there are things that urk me and annoy me to the brink of insanity. and i just don't know what i need to do. well whatever it is. i've already done it. and i can't turn back on it now. i'm going throught the hard phase right now. and i don't have anyone to talk to. the only other person that i can talk to is you and i can't talk to you about a problem that you're involved with. *Sigh. i'm sorry. this is hard for me too. now you know. most likely you're reading this becasue you know i vent here. and i thought it was really cute how you explained that story about the bmw. but it scared me to how obsessed you were on staying. i needed space. i needed to think about what i had done. when i look at our past pictures i remember the fun times, maybe you're right, this may be just because we're stressed, or this can just be real. i don't know. but when i look at our past pictures. i see a pattern of how your sorority life is taking over and that just pushes my tears back from coming out, becasue that just tells me something. something that i already know, so more or less, it confirms it, it doesn't tell me. you'll find someone else soon enough. i'm not your destiny. someone else is.

Dear Khou Thom,
I apologize if i can't spell it correctly. Khou, I've known you for so long, practically for all of my 18 years. I'm sorry if i didn't talk to you much or spent much time with you everytime i went down to cali to visit you guys. I'm sorry i didn't talk to you or hugged you as many times as i could the last time i went down there to see you. I'm sorry i became careless and didn't do anything to help you, all i thought was about going out and having fun, selfish of me, i know. I'm sorry. I just got the news a couple of minutes ago and it surprised me, i was really expecting for you to make it through everything and i would be able to see you next year. sometimes i even make that as my excuse for me not spending much time with you last time but i know inside that that's just something i use as an excuse. Now all my future visits won't be the same anymore, you won't be there with the huge smile on your face greeting us. R.I.P is so cliche. I hope everybody is treating you well wherever you went. You're doing everything you always wanted and having everything you always wanted.

Love,
Bryan

I always meant to talk to him. really i did. i planned on it. all the time. but i never had the chance. but everytime i tell myself "ok, today is the day i go and talk to him about this problem because it is blown out of proportion." he does something that just makes me not care at all. like today..... it's events like these that makes me not care. why should I? *sigh.
Things just aren't the same. i blame her. I always wanted to curse her out. and just scream and shun her. but it's just not that easy. she's a girl so therefore she earns a higher pedastol than me on their list. that easy. what a bitch. my social life just gets better and better doesn't it?
College just isn't that i imagined it to be. I don't wanna be here anymore. I just want to lie down with vi in my arms and go to sleep......
 if only it was that easy.